What Garylouiemontejo Means
You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life.
You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone.
Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs.
You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.
You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something.
You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense.
You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun.
You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.
You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.
You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.
You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way.
And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life.
You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it.
You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing.
You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long.
You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start.
You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.
You are confident, self assured, and capable. You are not easily intimidated.
You master any and all skills easily. You don't have to work hard for what you want.
You make your life out to be exactly how you want it. And you'll knock down anyone who gets in your way!
You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people.
You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts.
You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals.
You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life.
You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home.
You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble.
You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 3:42 AM
Show your support.
Post a shoutout for Manny.
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 4:40 AM
*Please pass/forward this to every Filipino you know.
*I read this from Philippine Daily Inquirer A27 Sunday, July 1, 2001
-Ella
The article is wrtitten by a certain Art Bell, a talk radio host who
broadcasts his show from his home in Nevada. The program is aired over
400 stations across US.
In the article,"Filipinos...make me puke," Bell lambastes Filipinos,
our culture and way of life.
This piece is so degrading "so it's important that after reading it,
no one attacks him(Bell) but responds to him in a civilized manner
because otherwise, his thoughts will be reaffirmed."
These are excerpts from Bell's article:
"The Philippines is a Third World country. Nothing respectable has
ever been created by Filipino during our entire human history. Nothing
good has ever come from Philippines and I don't beleive anything good ever
will.
"In Japan, Filipinosare heavily discriminated against. The only
Filipino that can live successfully in Japan are the Filipino prostitutes...
"Nothing in Filipino culture can be seen as Asian. They have no
architectural, artistic or cultural influence which is in any way Asian,
thinking of the great countries in Asia such as Japan, Korea and China.
"To all Filipino people: Please recognize your roots! You come from
the Third World! Your country is a disgusting and filthy place.
"Most people there live in poverty! Your culture has much more Spanish
influence than Chinese and absolutely no Japanese influence whatsoever.
"People in Japan and China do not act like you...There is no way you
can connect yourselves to Asia other than location. Your culture and
technological advancement does not even come close to what Chinese people
have done in the past and what Japanese and Korean people are doing
now!
"Everything you do is distinctly Filipino. You cannot take credit for
Japanese cars, video games or Hentai!
"You have no concept of culture...no concept of Asian ideas or
philosophy!
"Can you demonstrate how you use Confucianism or Taoism in your daily
life? You can't. And you will never be able to.
"I understand that you are trying to create an identity for yourselves
as young people...but it is not related to Asia.
"Your identity is Filipino. That's all you are. Just Filipino. Think
about what that means..."
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 9:35 PM
Chinese 101
Genre: JokeJOkeJOke
English To Chinese
Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Ding?
See me A.S.A.P. Kum Hia Nao
Stupid Man Dum Gai
Small Horse Tai Ni Po Ni
Did you go to the beach? Wai Yu So Tan?
I bumped into a coffee table. Ai Bang Mai Ni
I think you need a facelift. Chin Tu Fat
It's very dark in here. Wai So Dim?
Has your flight been delayed? Hao Long Wei Ting?
That was an unauthorized execution. Lin Ching
I thought you were on a diet. Wai Yu Mun Ching?
This is a tow away zone. No Pah King
Do you know the lyrics to the Macarena? Wai Yu Sing Dum Song?
You are not very bright. Yu So Dum
I got this for free. Ai No Pei
I am not guilty. Wai Hang Mi?
Please, stay a while longer. Wai Go Nao?
Our meeting was scheduled for next week. Wai Yu Kum Nao
They have arrived. Hia Dei Kum
Stay out of sight. Lei Lo
He's cleaning his automobile. Wa Shing Ka
Your body odor is offensive. Yu stin ki pu
Shing Lai Fong Lai Homo Nie Shi Shi nist
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 7:31 PM
Kasabihan nga ng mga matatanda
Genre: JOkejokejoke
1. Pag ang girlfriend mo PANGET: pwede na yan sa
McDo, Jollibee, o kaya
Chowking
Pag MAGANDA: dapat sa Friday's, Cravings, o kaya
sa Shang-ri La
2. Pag PANGET: ayaw mong lapitan pag naglalakad
kayo sa mall... as if u
were just friends
Pag MAGANDA: halos di mo na pakawalan habang
namamasyal.. may kasama pang
hugs at kisses once in a while
3. Pag PANGET: "Pahinga na lang tayo this weekend.
Tsaka may gimik kami
ng
friends ko e."
Pag MAGANDA: "Are u free this weekend? Gimik tayo
with my friends."
4. Pag PANGET: ok na kahit di ka masyadong
mag-dress up
Pag MAGANDA: kelangan japorms ka lagi
5. Pag PANGET: "wife material" ... in other words,
free katulong in the
future
Pag MAGANDA: "girlfriend material"... prinsesa in
short
6. Pag PANGET: pag nagseselos sya, di ka nya
pwedeng tarayan
Pag MAGANDA: pag nagseselos sya, ok lang na
tarayan ka nya
7. Pag PANGET: lambingin mo lang for the first few
months, mapagsasawaan
mo
agad
Pag MAGANDA: "I can't get enough of you, girl!"
8. Pag PANGET: treat her like she's one of the
boys
Pag MAGANDA: treat her like she's the most
beautiful girl u'll ever love
9. Pag PANGET: "ay, u'r sick? sige, i'll just call
again later."
Pag MAGANDA: "ay, u'r sick, honey? sige, i'll just
visit u later, ha?"
10. Pag PANGET: di mo malimutan yung pretty ex mo
("she was everyone's
crush y'know")
Pag MAGANDA: kalimutan mo na yung pretty ex mo, u
got someone better now
11. Pag PANGET: wala kang ka-agaw
Pag MAGANDA: lahat ka-agaw mo, so u have to be
extra sweet to her
12. Pag PANGET: pwede mong iwanan kung saan-saan
(in short, convenient)
Pag MAGANDA: dapat bantayan mo kahit saan
13. Pag PANGET: sa public places...ok lang, andyan
lang sya.... duh...
Pag MAGANDA: "ehem, hey, guys, she's my
girlfrie nd, y'know. pretty no?"
sabay a kbay
14. Pag PANGET: when asked y u chose her....
"pare, i love her
bcoz she's really nice and she'll do everything
for me"
Pag MAGANDA: "pare, do i have to answer ur
question? it's obvious naman
na,
pare e"
15. Pag PANGET: pag na-a-attract ka sa iba... "Bat
ka ba masyadong
selosa?
I was just looking!"
Pag MAGANDA: "Hey baby, don't be jealous na. U'r
prettier naman e."
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 9:06 PM
~*EvA!*~50 natural highs
Genre: Soothing Wisdom
Source: Emails
Remarks: Enjoy! helps to remind that
the most beautiful things in life are the simplest!
> Please make sure you forward this back to me --
> you'll
> see why at the end! Think about them one at a time
> BEFORE going on to the next one.........IT DOES MAKE
> YOU FEEL GOOD, especially the thought at the end.
>
> 1. Falling in love.
> 2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
>
> 3. A hot shower.
>
> 4. No lines at the supermarket
>
> 5. A special glance.
>
> 6. Getting mail
> 7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
> 8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
>
> 9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
>
>
> 10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
>
> 11. Finding the sweater you want is on sale for half
> price.
>
> 12. Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!) (or
> strawberry)
>
>
> 13. A long distance phone call.
>
> 14. A bubble bath.
>
> 15. Giggling.
>
> 16. A good conversation.
>
> 17 The beach
>
> 18. Finding a 20 note in your coat from last winter.
>
>
> 19. Laughing at yourself.
>
> 20. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
>
> 21. Running through sprinklers.
>
> 22. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
>
> 23. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
>
> 24. Laughing at an inside joke.
>
> 25. Friends.
>
> 26. Accidentally overhearing someone say something
> nice about you.
>
> 27. Waking up and realizing you still have a few
> hours
> left to sleep.
>
> 28. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a
> new partner).
>
> 29. Making new friends or spending time with old
> ones.
>
>
> 30. Playing with a new puppy.
>
> 31. Having someone play with your hair.
>
> 32. Sweet dreams.
>
> 33. Hot chocolate.
>
> 34. Road trips with friends.
>
> 35. Swinging on swings.
>
> 36. Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while
> eating cookies and
> drinking your favorite tipple.
>
> 37. Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you
> can
> sing along without
> feeling stupid.
>
> 38. Going to a really good concert.
>
> 39. Making eye contact with a cute stranger
>
> 40. Winning a really competitive game.
>
> 41. Making chocolate chip cookies.
>
> 42. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
>
> 43. Spending time with close friends.
>
> 44. Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your
> friends.
>
> 45. Holding hands with someone you care about.
>
> 46. Running into an old friend and realizing that
> some
> things (good or bad) never change
>
> 47. Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
>
> 48. Watching the expression on someone's face as
> they
> open a much desired present from you.
>
> 49. Watching the sunrise.
>
> 50. Getting out of bed every morning and being
> grateful for another beautiful day.
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 12:18 AM
Only in the Philippines...
Genre: JOkeJOkeJoke
Source: Emails
* Nakasulat sa pader:
"MARUNONG KA BANG TUMAHOL? ASO LANG ANG UMIIHI DITO!"
* along a highway in Pampanga:
"WE MAKE MODERN ANTIQUE FURNITURE"
* in a Baguio grocery:
"FRESH FROZEN CHICKEN SOLD HERE"
* in Cubao:
"NONE ID NOTHING ENTRY"
* on a parking lot:
"TAXI AND OUTSIDE CAR NOT ALLOWED"
* along Luneta Boulevard:
"BAWAL TUMAE SA BULEVARD"
* on Jeepney and Bus signs:
"BEFORE PAY, TELL WHERE GET THE ON BEFORE GET THE OFF"
* on a Flower shop in Rizal Avenue:
"WE SELL ARTIFICIAL FRESH FLOWERS"
* on a delivery truck:
"NOT FOR HERE"
* on window of a restaurant in Baguio:
"WANTED: BOY WAITRESS"
* A grafitti inside the cubicle of a ladies' C.R. in a
university:
"PLEASE DON'T SIT LIKE A FROG, SIT LIKE A QUEEN."
* At a men's comfort room, above a urinal:
"HAWAK MO ANG KINABUKASAN NG BAYAN"
* at a construction site in Mandaluyong:
"BAWAL OMEHI DITO. ANG MAHOLI BOG-BOG"
* somewhere along San Andres:
"NO URINATING, ON THE OVER WALLS"
* vacant lot near makati ave.:
"DON'T PARKING"
* at an eatery in Cebu:
"WE HAB SOPDRINK IN CAN AND IN BATOL!
and this is the best of them all!!
* on a building somewhere in the Philippines...
"NOTARY PUBLIC TUMATANGGAP DIN NG LABADA KUNG LINGGO"
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 12:17 AM
MAHIRAP LAHAT
Genre: School Blues
Source: Email
Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scho, mahirap sumakay sa LRT
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.
WHERE TO GO TO COLLEGE?
If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go go La Salle.
If you have no money, go to PUP.
QUESTION AND ANSWER
Q: How do La Sallites count to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another, and another.
HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
In a grand ballroom party conducted by the Philippine Society of
Colleges and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to
know what
particular schools attended the big celebration. Therefore, he
checked out
the house where it was all happening. Guess whom he found and where
he
found them?
UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity
ritual
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the
"BLUE EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
Benilde - they were next in line in eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were in the
bedroom with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans . . .like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since
arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the
laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner!
UE - they don't know what's an air conditioner
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they pass by security?
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying
Adamson - went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 12:15 AM
Corporate Lessons
Genre: JokeJokeJoke
Source: Leslie
Corporate Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over
which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly
wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next door neighbour.
Before she says a word, Bob says "I'll give you 800 dollars to drop that
towel that you have on." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops
her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds Bob
hands her 800 dollars and leaves.
Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up
in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets back to the
bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the
next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the 800 dollars
he owes me?"
Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to
credit and risk in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position
to prevent avoidable exposure.
Corporate Lesson 2:
A young priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road,
he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and
crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The
priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the
car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and
immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129."
The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself
to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her
leg.
Further on, while changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg
again.
The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129." Once again the
priest apologized. "Sorry, Sister, but the flesh is weak." Arriving at
the convent, the nun got out, gave him meaningful glance and went on
her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a
Bible and looked up Psalm 129.
It said, "Go forth and seek; further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job, or you may
miss a great opportunity.
Corporate Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes
out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three
wishes, so I'll give each of you one each."
"Me first! Me first !" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof!!! She's
gone. In astonishment, "Me next ! Me next !" says the sales rep.
"I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal
masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life." Poof!!
He's gone. "OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."
Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:55 PM
Doctor Doctor
Genre: Joke Joke Joke
Source: Email
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have
>this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much.
>My farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact,I've
>farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You
didn't
>know I
>was farting because they don't smell and are silent."
>The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me
>next week."
>
>The next week the lady comes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know
>what the hell you gave me, but now my farts... although still
silent...stink
>terribly."
>The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses,
let's work
>on your hearing."
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:49 PM
Three Things and ... Failure
Genre: Some Thoughts
source: Email
Three things of life once gone never comes back-
Time, words & opportunity
Three things of life must not be lost -
Peace, hope & honesty.
Three things of life are most valuable -
Love, self-confidence & friends
Three things of life are never sure -
Dreams, success & fortune
Three things make a Man/Woman -
Hard work, sincerity & success
Three things of life that destroy a Man/Woman -
Wine, pride & anger
FAILURE
Failure doesn't mean - You are a failure,
It means - You have not succeeded.
Failure doesn't mean - You accomplished nothing,
It means - You have learned something.
Failure doesn't mean - That you have been a fool,
It means - You had a lot of faith.
Failure doesn't mean - You've been disgraced,
It means - You were willing to try.
Failure doesn't mean - You don't have it,
It means - You have to do some thing in a different
way.
Failure doesn't mean - You are inferior.
It means -You are not perfect.
Failure doesn't mean - You've wasted your life,
It means - You have a reason to start afresh.
Failure doesn't mean - You should give up,
It means - You must try harder.
Failure doesn't mean -You'll never make it.,
It means - It will take a little longer.
Failure doesn't mean - God has abandoned you,
It means - God has a better way for you.
SUN RISE
Every morning in Africa,When the Sun rises, A deer
awakens, Knowing it has to outrun the fastest Lion,
OR,
be hunted to death....
Every morning in Africa, When the Sun rises, A Lion
awakens, Knowing it has to outrun the slowest deer,
OR,
be starved to death....
It does not matter whether you are a deer or Lion,
When the Sun rises, better be running at your best..
You only live once.
What do you really want to do and achieve in life?
Let's think, learn & share.
It is a meaningful journey.
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:45 PM
-*-*-*ToTaL SiGnS oF fLiRtInG*-*-*-
Genre: "Fun" Stuff
SourcE: Email
*~*Guys*~*
1 She makes eye contact and smiles at you.
2. She hits you softly on the arm and laughs when you say something funny.
3. She flips her hair when she's talking to you.
4. She touches your arm when she talks to you.
5. She says, "No, I'm not telling you who I like!" with a big smile on her
face.
6. She asks you who you like or who you would go out with seemingly
interested.
7. When you go to the movies with a bunch of your friends and she is almost
always next to you.
8. She criticizes you on a girl you like.
9. You catch her staring at you.
10. She plays with your hair or tries to put make up on you.
11. Her friends outside of s! chool and in school know about you, and says
she talks about you a lot.
12. She knows your phone number and address.
13. She will try and talk, and spend time with you as much as possible
*~*Girls*~*
1. He stares at you alot.
2. He hits you a lot. (just play hitting )
3. He uses the first thing that pops into his head to start a converstaion
with you
4. He yelled, "Hi!", to your mom that day she picked you up from school.
5. He blew off his buds to go see "Run Away Bride" with you cuz you couldn't
get another girl pal to go and didn't want to go alone.
6. He tries to make you laugh anyway even if he gets hurt in the process
7. His voice gets softer ("Hey, you") when ever you two talk.
8. You hung up on him. He called you back.
9. You where invited by him to a group outing.
10. He called you to talk about nothing at all.
11. He imitates your laugh. OK, you do snort sometimes. Which makes you
laugh even harder.
12. He remembers little things you mention in casual conversation.
13. He sometimes stares straight into your eyes.
14. He finds every possible way to touch you (your hair, face, butt, thighs,
etc.)
Now make a wish...
Okay, stop!
Your wish will come true if you pass this on!
Send this to 0 people and you will never get asked out... EVER!!!!
Send this to 5 people and your wish will come true in 5 days.
Send this to 10 people and your wish will come true in 3 days.
Send this to 15 people and your wish will come true in 1 day
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:38 PM
Passionate Race....
Genre: Sad stuff
Source: Email
And some people call some of them "retarded"...
A few years back, at the Seattle Special Olympics,
nine contestants, all physically or mentally challenged,
assembled at the starting line for the 100-yard dash.
At the gun, they all started out, not exactly in a dash,
but with a relish to run the race to the finish and win.
All, that is, except one little boy who stumbled on the asphalt,
tumbled over a couple of times, and began to cry.
The other eight heard the boy cry.
They slowed down and looked back.
Then they all turned around and went back... every one of them.
One little girl with Down's syndrome
bent down and kissed him and said,
"This will make it better."
Then all nine linked arms and walked together to the finish line.
Everyone in the stadium stood,
and the cheering went on for several minutes.
People who were there are still telling the story. Why?
Because deep down we know this one thing:
What matters in this life is more
than winning for ourselves.
What matters in this life is helping others win,
even if it means slowing down and changing our course.
If you pass this on, we may be able to change
our hearts as well as someone else's...
"A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle".
So what are ya gonna do? Pass it on or delete it...?
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:34 PM
TOMATO STORY
Genre: JokeJokeJOke
Source: IpayPims
> >
> > An unemployed man is desperate to support his family. His wife
> > watches TV all day and his three teenage kids have dropped out of high
> > school
> > to hang around with the local toughs. He applies for a janitor's job at
> > Microsoft and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager
> > tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me
> > have
> > your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will
> > automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start
> > and where to report on your first day."
> >
> > Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a
> > computer nor an e-mail address. To this the manager replies,"You must
> > understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do
> > not exist.
> > Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a
> > high-tech
> > firm. Good day."
> >
> > Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in
> > his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling
> > 25lb crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a
> > busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all
> > the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times
> > more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night
> > with several bags of groceries for his family.
> >
> > During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next
> > day.By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working
> > into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly. Early in the second
> > week
> > he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time,
> > but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup
> > truck.
> >
> > At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have
> > left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his
> > wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at
> > the
> > community college so she can keep books for him. By the end of the second
> > year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously
> > unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard. Time
> > passes
> > and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a
> > warehouse which his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys
> > manage.The tomato company's payroll has put hundreds of homeless and
> > jobless
> > people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed a million
> > dollars.
> >
> > Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance.
> > Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit
> > his new
> > circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in
> > order to send the final documents electronically. When the man replies
> > that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail
> > address,
> > the insurance man is stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? No
> > computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you'd had
> > all of
> > that five years ago!"
> >
> > "Ha!" snorts the man. "If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be
> > sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15 an hour." Which
> > brings us to the moral:
> >
> > ..........................................................................
> > .
> > ..................................................
> >
> > Since you got this story by e-mail, you're probably closer to being
> > a janitor than a millionaire.
> >
> > :-) maayo pa mananum nalang ta ug kamatis ani hehe
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:31 PM
"First Grader"
Genre: Joke Joke Joke
Source: Leslie
> >
> >A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her
> >students.
> >
> >The teacher asked, "Harry what is your problem?"
> >
> >Harry answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
> >third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the
> >third-grade too!"
> >
> >Ms Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While
> >Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal
> >what the situation was.
> >
> >The principal told Ms Brooks he would give the boy a test and if he
> >failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the
> >first-grade and behave. She agreed.
> >
> >Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
> >agreed to take the test.
> >
> >Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
> >
> >Harry: "9".
> >
> >Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
> >
> >Harry: "36".
> >
> >And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade
> >should know.
> >
> >The principal looks at Ms Brooks and tells her, "I think Harry can go to
> >the third-grade."
> >
> >Ms Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?"
> >
> >The principal and Harry both agree. Ms Brooks asks, "What does a cow
> >have four of that I have only two of? "Harry, after a moment "Legs."
> >
> >Ms Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
> >
> >Harry: "Pockets."
> >
> >Ms Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
> >
> >Harry: "Pants"
> >
> >Ms Brooks: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
> >delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
> >
> >Harry: Coconut
> >
> >Ms Brooks: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
> >
> >The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
> >answer, Harry was taking charge.
> >
> >Harry: Bubblegum
> >
> >Ms Brooks: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down and a
> >dog do on three legs?
> >
> >The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
> >answer.
> >
> >Harry: Shake hands
> >
> >Ms Brooks: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
> >
> >Harry: Yep.
> >
> >Ms Brooks: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.
> >I get wet before you do.
> >
> >Harry: Tent
> >
> >Ms Brooks: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored.
> >The best man always has me first.
> >
> >The Principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
> >
> >Harry: Wedding Ring
> >
> >Ms Brooks: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you
> >blow me, you feel good.
> >
> >Harry: Nose
> >
> >Ms Brooks: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
> >quiver.
> >
> >Harry: Arrow
> >
> >Ms Brooks: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot
> >of heat and excitement?
> >
> >Harry: Firetruck
> >
> >The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Harry
> >in the fifth-grade, I got the last ten questions wrong myself."
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:29 PM
Explanation of Marketing Terms
Genre: DocuStuff, JokeJOkeJOke
source: Email (taken from Boo Chanco's column)
Several women I know have asked me for an explanation of Marketing. Perhaps the following analogies will help clear it up:
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and, pointing at you, says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Representative.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated toward the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Spam.
"True friends are those that are capable of caring from a distance, far enough to make other people grow, but never to far to forget the friendship in their hearts ."
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:23 PM
Medical claims
Genre: JOkeJokejoke
Source: Ta Gaga
> It's quite funny ! :)
> Read on..............
>
> A couple, both 50, went to a sex therapist's office.
> The doctor asked, "What can I do for you? "
> The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"
> The doctor was puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them and
then
>instructed them to proceed.
> When the couple finished, the doctor re-examined them and
> advised the couple,"There's nothing wrong with the way that you're
>doing it."
> He then charged them $32.
>
> This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an
>appointment, have intercourse with no apparent
> problems other than the lack of vigour which is to be expected in
50
>year olds, get dressed, pay the doctor and then leave.
>
> Finally after almost three months of this routine, the doctor asked
>"Just exactly what are you trying to find out?"
> The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything.
> She's married and we can't go to her house.
> I'm married, so we can't go to my house.
> The Holiday Inn charges $160; the Hilton charges $180.
>
> We do it here for $32 and I can get $28 back from my company
co-payment
>medical reimbursement."
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:14 PM
Die for Love
Genre: Love, Chain
Source: Leslie Lao
Die for Love
>
> I sit in the park where I dwell,
>
> For this boy I love so well.
>
> He took my heart away from me,
>
> Now he wants to set me free.
>
> I see a girl on his lap,
>
> He says things to her he never said to me.
>
> I ran home to cry on my bed,
>
> Not a word to mother was said.
>
> Father came home late that night,
>
> He looked at me from left to right.
>
> He saw me hanging from a rope,
>
> He took his knife to cut me down.
>
> And on my dress a note was found:
>
> Dig my grave, Dig it deep.
>
> Dig my grave, From head to feet.
>
> And on the top place a dove.
>
> And remember this, I died for love...
>
> (¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨)
>
> `·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨).¸.·´
>
> `·.¸(¨`·.·´¨)·.¸.·´
>
>Something good will happen to you tonight at 9:22 PM.
>
>This is not a joke. Someone will either call you
>
>or will talk to you online and say that they love you.
>
>Do not break this chain.
>
>Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes..
>
Good luck with the one you love
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:10 PM
Die for Love
Genre: Love, Chain
Source: Leslie Lao
Die for Love
>
> I sit in the park where I dwell,
>
> For this boy I love so well.
>
> He took my heart away from me,
>
> Now he wants to set me free.
>
> I see a girl on his lap,
>
> He says things to her he never said to me.
>
> I ran home to cry on my bed,
>
> Not a word to mother was said.
>
> Father came home late that night,
>
> He looked at me from left to right.
>
> He saw me hanging from a rope,
>
> He took his knife to cut me down.
>
> And on my dress a note was found:
>
> Dig my grave, Dig it deep.
>
> Dig my grave, From head to feet.
>
> And on the top place a dove.
>
> And remember this, I died for love...
>
> (¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨)
>
> `·.¸(¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨).¸.·´
>
> `·.¸(¨`·.·´¨)·.¸.·´
>
>Something good will happen to you tonight at 9:22 PM.
>
>This is not a joke. Someone will either call you
>
>or will talk to you online and say that they love you.
>
>Do not break this chain.
>
>Send this to 13 people in the next 15 minutes..
>
Good luck with the one you love
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:10 PM
Ang kaibigan ni Andoy (Friend of Andoy)
Genre: A very touching story
Source: Leslie Lao
Dear Friends,
> This is a very touching true story.
> Somewhere in Milaor, Camarines Sur, there lived a fourth grader
> boy who
> would follow this route to school everyday:
> He has to cross the rugged plains and cross the dangerous highway
> where
> vehicles are recklessly driving through. Once past this highway, the boy
> would take a short cut by passing by the Church every morning just to say
> Hi to God, and faithfully say his, "Magandang umaga po" in the Bicol
> dialect. He was faithfully being watched by a Priest who was happy to
> find innocence so uplifting in the morning.
> "Kamusta Andoy! Papasok ka na?"
> "Opo padre ... " he would flash his innocent grin, the priest would be
> touched. He was so concerned that one day he talked to Andoy.
> "From school...", he advised "Do not cross the highway, you can pass
> through the Church and I can accompany you to the other side of the road
> ... that way I can see that you are home safe...."
> "Thank you father..."
> "Why don't you go home ... do you stay in this church right after school?"
> "I just want to say "Hi" to my friend, God," and the priest would leave
> the boy to spend time beside the altar, talking by himself, but he was
> hiding behind the altar to listen to what this boy has to say to his
> heavenly FATHER.
> "You know my math exam was pretty bad today, but I did not cheat although
> my seatmate is bullying me for notes... I ate one cracker and drank my
> water, Itay had a bad season and all I can eat is this cracker. Thank you
> for this! I saw a poor kitten who was hungry and I know how he feels so I
> gave my last cracker to him ... funny but I am not that hungry ... Look,
> this is my last pair of slippers ... I may have to walk barefooted next
> week you see this is about to be broken ... but it is okay ...at least I
> am still going to school.... some say we will have a hard season this
> month, some of my classmates have already stopped going to school ...
> please help them get to school again, please God? ... Oh, you know, Inay
> had hit me again, it is painful, but I know this pain will go away; at
> least I still have a mother.... God, you want to see my bruises? I know
> you can heal them ... here... here and ... oh ...blood... guess you knew
> about this one huh? Please don't be mad at Inay, she is just tired and she
> worries for the food to put on our table and my schooling that is why she
> hits us... Oh, I think I am in love ... there's this pretty girl in my
> class, her name is Anita .. do you think she will like me? Anyway, at
> least I know you will always like me, I don't have to be anybody just to
> please you, and you are my very best friend! Hey your birthday is two days
> from now!!! Aren't you excited? I am! Wait till you see, I have a gift for
> you ... but it is a surprise! I hope you will like it! Oops, I have to
> go..." then he stood up and calls out, "Padre, padre, I am finished
> talking to my friend ... you can accompany me to the other side of the
> road now"
> This routine happens everyday. Andoy never fails. Father Agaton
> shares this
> every Sunday to the people in his church because he has not seen a very
> pure
> faith and trust in God, a very positive look at negative situations.
> One Christmas day, Father Agaton was sick so he could not make it
> in the
> Church, he was sent to the hospital. The Church was left to four manangs
> who would chant the rosary in 1000 miles per hour, would not smile and
> would always find fault in what you do, they are also very well versed in
> cursing if you irritate them!
> They were kneeling, saying their kilometric rosary when Andoy,
> coming from
> his Christmas party, playfully dashed in.
> "Hello God!"
> "P----!! (a curse) bata ka!! Alam mo nang may nagdadasal!! Alis!!"
> Poor Andoy was so terrified, "Where's Father Agaton? He is supposed to
> help me cross the street ... And to be able to cross the street I will
> have to pass by the back door of this church ...not only that, I have to
> greet Jesus. It is His birthday, I have a gift right here...."
> Just as he was about to get the gift out of his shirt, the manang pulled
> his shirt and threw him out of the church.
> "Susmaryosep!!! (does a sign of the cross fervently) Alis kang bata ka,
> kung hindi matatamaan ka!!!
> So the boy had no choice but to cross the dangerous side of the
> road in
> front of the church. He crossed. A fast moving bus came in. There was a
> blind curve. The boy was protecting his gift inside his shirt, so he was
> not looking. There was so little time.
> Andoy died on the spot. A lot of people crowded around the poor
> boy, the
> body of a lifeless young boy ... Suddenly, out of nowhere a tall man in
> pure white shirt and pants, a face so mild and gentle, but with eyes full
> of tears...He came and carried the boy in His arms. He was crying.
> Curious bystanders nudged the man in white, and asked, "Excuse me sir, are
> you related to this child? Do you know this child?"
> The man in white, His face mourning and in agony, lifted up and answered,
> "He was my best friend ... " was all he said. He took the badly wrapped
> gift in the bloody chest of the lifeless boy, and placed it near His
> heart. He stood up and carried the boy away and they both disappeared from
> sight.
> The crowd was curious ...
> On Christmas Eve, Father Agaton learned of the shocking news. He visited
> the house, and wanted to verify what he heard about the man in white. He
> consulted the parents of Andoy. "How did you know
> that your son died?"
> "A man in white brought him here." sobbed the mother.
> "What did he say?"
> The father answered, "He did not say anything. He was mourning. We did not
> know him and yet he was very lonely at our son's death, as if he knew our
> son very well. But there was something peaceful and unexplainable about
> him. He gave me my son, and then he smiled peacefully. He rubbed my son's
> hair away from his face and kissed him on his forehead, then he whispered
> something..."
> "What did he say?"
> He said to my boy..." the father began, "Thank you for the gift ... I
> will see you soon ... you will be with me..." and the father of the boy
> continued, "and you know for a while, it felt so wonderful ... I cried,
> but I do not know why.... all I know is I cried tears of joy ... I could
> not explain it, Father, but when that man left, something peaceful came
> over me, I felt a deep sense of love inside ... I could not explain the
> joy in my heart, I knew my boy is in heaven now but ... tell me, Father,
> who is This man that my son talks to everyday in your church, you should
> know because you are always there ... except on the day of his death ..."
> Father Agaton suddenly felt the tears welling in his eyes, with trembling
> knees, he murmured, " ... He was talking to no one .... but ... GOD..."
> =============================
> If you were touched by this story, please pass this on to your friends,
> I just did!
posted by Mr. Grandiers at 11:08 PM